And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
