I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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