So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Text me some of your sweat
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
