My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
