I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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