i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
