I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
