WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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