there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
