I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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