Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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