He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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