I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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