u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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