U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
