I haven't been this sober since birth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
