If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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