sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
