We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
