um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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