fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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