Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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