I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize