Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
