I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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