I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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