I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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