and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
FUCK WHALES
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
