Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
