I'm lost and stupid without you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
