Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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