: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
