don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
