...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
