either way he was missing a nipple.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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