SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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