a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
