Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
