dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
