Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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