Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
