so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
