My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
