I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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