I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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