I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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