My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
