we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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