so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
