I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
