ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
