I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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