i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
