Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
