I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I know her cup size but not her name....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
