he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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