Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
