Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
