i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
People with herpes should wear stickers.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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