Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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