Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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