If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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