Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize