do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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