my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
high people should be assigned attendants
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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