Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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