I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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