You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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