Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This baby is an asshole
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
