So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
