I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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