Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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