i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
