Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
