I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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